


sent and received

by trixstar



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, F/M, Female My Unit | Byleth, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Mostly Gen, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22467553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trixstar/pseuds/trixstar
Summary: Dimitri makes a group chat.
Relationships: Annette Fantine Dominic/Felix Hugo Fraldarius, Blue Lions Students & My Unit | Byleth, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/My Unit | Byleth, Ingrid Brandl Galatea/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Mercedes von Martritz/Dedue Molinaro
Comments: 96
Kudos: 494





	1. his highness, lenny face, and the literal god of edginess

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this while I was finishing up on another fic I have yet to publish (hint hint: it's the ball one) and wanted to post this right away cjbcxksl basically the blue lions,, but they have a chat room,, that's literally it. I'll try to make it mostly gen because I've been told it's better that way but we'll see,, anyways enjoy! (and no one beta read this for me btw im sorry,,)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dimitri creates the group chat and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blue lions shitpost part 1

**[DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD] created [BLUE LIONS]**

**[DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD] added [DEDUE MOLINARO]**

**[DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD] added [FELIX HUGO FRALDARIUS]**

**[DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD] added [SYLVAIN JOSE GAUTIER]**

**[DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD] added [INGRID BRANDL GALATEA]**

**[DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD] added [ASHE UBERT]**

**[DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD] added [ANNETTE FANTINE DOMINIC]**

**[DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD] added [MERCEDES VON MARTRITZ]**

DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD: Hello, everyone! Claude recently taught me how to create group chats. I thought it would be handy to have a communication channel we could all participate in! I’ve been told Edelgard also has one with the Black Eagles and Claude, of course, with the Golden Deer.

FELIX HUGO FRALDARIUS: Dammit.

ANNETTE FANTINE DOMINIC: oh this looks neat!!

SYLVAIN JOSE GAUTIER: kinda sucks the other houses beat us to it but oh well

SYLVAIN JOSE GAUTIER: and these names are way too long

INGRID BRANDL GALATEA: They’re our birthnames, Sylvain.

SYLVAIN JOSE GAUTIER: yeah but-

 **[SYLVAIN JOSE GAUTIER] set their nickname to [Sylvain ;*]**

**[Sylvain ;*] set [DIMITRI ALEXANDRE BLAIDDYD]’s nickname to [His Highness]**

**[Sylvain ;*] set [FELIX HUGO FRALDARIUS]’s nickname to [edgelord]**

**[Sylvain ;*] set [ASHE UBERT]’s nickname to [Ashe]**

**[Sylvain ;*] set [DEDUE MOLINARO]’s nickname to [Dedue]**

**[Sylvain ;*] set [MERCEDES VON MARTRITZ]’s nickname to [Mercedes]**

**[Sylvain ;*] set [ANNETTE FANTINE DOMINIC]’s nickname to [Annette]**

**[Sylvain ;*] set [INGRID BRANDL GALATEA]’s nickname to [Ingrid]**

Sylvain ;*: there much better ;*

Mercedes: Oh, that looks much better! There were so much words on the screen earlier…

Annette: definitely an improvement!

His Highness: Thank you for adjusting things, Sylvain.

His Highness: But why is this my nickname? You all know I much prefer just going by Dimitri, right?

His Highness: And what’s with the semicolon and asterisk in your nickname?

Sylvain ;*: oh this? ;*

His Highness: Yes.

Sylvain ;*: claude may have taught you group chats but he clearly hasn’t enlightened you about

Sylvain ;*: _E M O T I C O N S_

His Highness: Emoticons?

Dedue: A representation of a facial expression such as a smile or frown, formed by various combinations of keyboard characters and used to convey the writer's feelings or intended tone.

His Highness: I see!

Sylvain ;*: damn its like you ripped that right out of a dictionary

Dedue: I did.

Sylvain ;*: oh

Sylvain ;*: ok then

Annette: they’re really fun to use, your highness!

Annette: ^_^

Mercedes: :^)

Annette: :P

Mercedes: BD

Annette: :^(

Mercedes: (:D

Ingrid: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °)

Mercedes: Oh

Annette: wOAH

Sylvain ;*: ingRID

Sylvain: ;*: I-

Sylvain ;*: where did you learn that

Annette: oh my Seiros

His Highness: ?

Ingrid: Is there a problem? Dorothea taught me that. It’s still an emoticon, isn’t it?

Annette: yes but

Sylvain ;*: i owe that woman my life

Sylvain ;*: annette wait no please

Sylvain ;*: dont take this away from me

Annette: ,,,,,,,,

Annette: ok then,,,,

Ingrid: ?

His Highness: ?

Mercedes: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °)

Sylvain ;*: ANYWAYS

Sylvain ;*: yes emoticons

Sylvain ;*: dedue basically said it already

Sylvain ;*: ;* is a kissy face

Annette: ohhh i wasn’t familiar with that one!!

Ashe: Oh, I see now. The semicolon is a wink and the asterisk… the lips?

Ingrid: You’re pitiful.

Sylvain ;*: you wound me

His Highness: The asterisk is a far cry from what lips actually look like though?

Sylvain ;*: i m p r o v i s a t i o n

 **[Ingrid] set [Sylvain ;*]’s nickname to [Sylvain]**

Sylvain: :^((((((

Ingrid: Better.

His Highness: Anyways…

edgelord: What the hell is this

Sylvain: oh hi felix

Sylvain: about time

His Highness: Hello, Felix!

edgelord: I was training.

Ashe: But you were here earlier…

edgelord: Yes and when I saw what this was, I decided I wanted nothing to do with it

Ingrid: Then it was rather counterproductive to ask “what the hell” this is then, right, Felix?

Annette: ooohhhh

Annette: _b u r n_

edgelord: I was talking about this stupid nickname

Sylvain: thats all me ;)

edgelord: I figured just as much

edgelord: Change it

Sylvain: nah you can do it yourself

edgelord: I will stab you

 **[Annette] changed [edgelord]’s nickname to [edgierlord** ]

Sylvain: thank you annette

edgierlord: You’re dead to me Annette

**[Sylvain] changed [edgierlord]’s nickname to [edgiestlord]**

Annette: it’s okay you were a jerk anyway :3

Annette: thank you sylvain

Sylvain: ginger solidarity

edgiestlord: I hate you both

Sylvain: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Annette: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

His Highness: I’m sorry, but what exactly is an “edgelord”?

Sylvain: if you look in the dictionary, felix’s face should be there

edgiestlord: I’m muting this chat

Sylvain: aw you don’t want to leave <3

edgiestlord: I do but I know you’ll just drag me back

Sylvain: right you are

Dedue: An edgelord is someone who attempts to seem edgy by doing or saying risque or offensive things.

Dedue: And I did, in fact, find a picture of Felix from the dictionary I pulled this from.

Annette: DKXLSSZKSLSK

Ashe: Unbelievable!

Sylvain: WAIT SERIOUSLY

Sylvain: IM LAUGHING

His Highness: Annette, are you alright?

Ingrid: Looks like your sour attitude finally did you some good, Felix.

Ingrid: You made it into a dictionary! :D

Annette: im fine your highness I just key smashed

His Highness: “Key smashed”?

Annette: your highness I’ll explain it to you tomorrow in person

Sylvain: wait dedue are you actually serious

Sylvain: youre really telling me there exists a dictionary that uses felix as an example for the word “edgelord"

Dedue: No.

Dedue: I was kidding.

Sylvain: AW

Annette: AWWW

Mercedes: That was a good one though, Dedue!

Ashe: To think, I nearly believed it.

edgiestlord: Because you’re all gullible idiots

**[Ingrid] set [edgiestlord]’s nickname to [edgiestgod]**

Sylvain: a woman after my own heart <3

edgiestgod: I have no friends

Annette: we know

Sylvain: OOOHHH

Mercedes: Nice one, Annie!

Annette: thanks mercie >:3

 **[edgiestgod] left the group**

**[His Highness] added [FELIX HUGO FRALDARIUS]**

**[Sylvain] set [FELIX HUGO FRALDARIUS]’s nickname to [the literal god of edginess]**

the literal god of edginess: I really can’t escape this can I

Annette: no <3

His Highness: Since we’re all for changing nicknames, can I have mine changed too?

Sylvain: no

Annette: no

Ingrid: No.

Mercedes: No.

Dedue: No.

Ashe: No.

His Highness: Why not?

Sylvain: bc

Sylvain: youre

Sylvain: your highness

Ingrid: Valid reasoning.

Mercedes: Truly.

Ashe: And it just doesn’t seem right to be calling you so casually, your highness...

Dedue: I agree.

His Highness: But we’re all friends, so you should all feel free to address me comfortably.

Mercedes: Comfortably?

His Highness: Yes! Addressing me casually would make things much more comfortable, wouldn’t it?

Sylvain: ok so let me get this straight

Sylvain: you want us to be able to address you comfortably

Sylvain: but not necessarily casually

His Highness: Yes!

Sylvain: good

Sylvain: bc

Sylvain: thing is

Sylvain: we’re all most comfortable when we call you

Annette: your highness

Ingrid: Your Highness.

Ashe: Your Highness.

Dedue: Your Highness

Mercedes: Your Highness.

the literal god of edginess: Boar

Annette: FELIX DOESNT COUNT

His Highness: Why do I even bother?

Mercedes: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

x

( _Later, in a different group chat_ )

Dimitri : What is “key smashing”?

Edelgard: Oh no.

Claude: oh yes

x

( _Later, in a private conversation_ )

Sylvain: dorothea

Dorothea: ?

Sylvain: thank you i love you

Dorothea: ???


	2. strange noises, bedpartnerds, and no one asked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ashe hears a noise and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blue lions shitpost part 2 also SPOILER WARNING FOR THE LAST PART

Annette: does anyone have notes from the lance tactics lecture?? :(

Annette: i was dead asleep when the professor was discussing

Ashe: Asleep? That’s unusual for you, Annette...

Annette: i knowwwww

Annette: i was up late last night trying to perfect a recipe

Mercedes: Annie, I told you it wasn’t worth staying up for!

Annette: i knoowwwwwwwww

Sylvain: wait you were in the kitchen

Sylvain: unsupervised?????

Dedue: I was there.

Mercedes: Oh?

Annette: yeah he heard me bustling around and decided to chaperone

Annette: thanks again dedue!!

Annette: though i kinda feel bad that i had to take you down with me :((((

Dedue: No worries.

Dedue: I merely didn’t want to recreate the scene that came to be the last time you were left in the kitchen alone.

Annette: :((((((((((

Sylvain: oh yeah that was really hard to clean

Ashe: I don’t think the dining hall ever fully recovered...

Annette: you guys are mean :(((((

the literal god of edginess: So thats what all the noise was about last night

Ingrid: Weren’t you at the training grounds, Felix?

the literal god of edginess: Which is a testament to the amount of noise she made

Annette: Felix

the literal god of edginess: What

Annette: no one asked

Mercedes: Oh!

Sylvain: OOOHHHHHHHH

Sylvain: b u r n

the literal god of edginess: Isnt that what Annette did to the kitchen three weeks ago?

Ingrid: Oh.

Mercedes: Oh.

Sylvain: OH SNAP

Sylvain: HE THREW THE BURN BACK

Annette: >:((((((

**[Annette] set [the literal god of edginess]’s nickname to [jerk]**

jerk: Pitiful

Annette: >:((((((

Sylvain: aw ngl annette the last one was better

Ingrid: You’re just saying that because you came up with it.

Sylvain: yes and?

His Highness: Annette, I have some notes if you’d like.

Annette: thanks so much your highness

His Highness: Not a problem and I apologize for my lateness.

His Highness: I was having tea with the professor.

Ingrid: Interesting.

Sylvain: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

Mercedes: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

His Highness: ?

Ashe: Oh, speaking of noises last night,

Sylvain: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

Mercedes: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

Ashe: ...

His Highness: Noises?

Dedue: Annette and I were rather loud while we were working in the kitchen last night. Felix complained about it.

jerk: Because it really was damn loud

Annette: no one asked felix

Sylvain: oof

His Highness: I see.

His Highness: Well, do take care not to cause too much of a ruckus so late at night next time.

Annette: sure thing your highness!

Dedue: Understood.

Ingrid: You were saying, Ashe?

Ashe: I heard some noise in the upper floor of the dorms last night...

Sylvain: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

Sylvain: wait a sec

Sylvain: felix isn’t your room the one directly above ashe’s

jerk: Yes, but like I said I was in the training grounds.

jerk: Whatever noise Ashe heard in my room wasnt made by me.

Mercedes: An intruder then?

Ingrid: In the monastery so late at night? That’s reason for concern!

His Highness: Should we alert the professor?

Dedue: That would be wise.

Ashe: Wait!

Ingrid: ?

Ashe: I don’t think they meant any harm...

His Highness: How so?

Ashe: Well, they apparently just snuck in Felix’s room and left without incident.

Ashe: Felix was anything taken from your room?

jerk: Not that I know of

Mercedes: This is intriguing.

Dedue: It’s suspicious, if anything.

Annette: can you tell us more about the noise ashe??

Ashe: It was very muted, seeing as, well... Felix and I have a whole floor separating us.

Ashe: But I think I might have heard purring?

Ingrid: Sylvain.

His Highness: Sylvain.

jerk: Sylvain.

Mercedes: Oh, dear.

Sylvain: HEY WAIT A SEC

Annette: whats going on

Sylvain: I DIDNT DO ANYTHING

Ingrid: A likely story.

jerk: Your room _is_ near mine.

Sylvain: DIMITRI’S ROOM IS BETWEEN OURS

Sylvain: THAT MAKES HIM MORE SUSPICIOUS

Annette: im so confused??

Ingrid: We all know he wouldn’t do that.

jerk: Youre pulling at straws.

Sylvain: SERIOUSLY

Sylvain: I DIDNT HAVE ANYONE OVER I SWEAR

Annette: o h

Mercedes: Yes, oh, Annie.

His Highness: Dedue, can you confirm this?

Sylvain: SAVE ME HERE DEDUE I DIDNT INVITE ANYONE OVER I SWEAR

Sylvain: and i think it’s unfair that im the only one being accused here, his highness is literally next door to felix.

Ashe: Would you suspect his highness of this?

Sylvain: of course not

Sylvain: oh

Sylvain: dammit

jerk: Pathetic.

Dedue: I can confirm that I sensed no other presence last night after I heard Felix enter his room to turn in.

Sylvain: SEE

Annette: he’s innocent!!

Sylvain: youve all hurt me

Ingrid: Don’t be dramatic, Sylvain. We all had reason to suspect.

His Highness: I apologize for our distrust, Sylvain.

jerk: I dont

Annette: you really are a jerk

jerk: Annette

Annette: what

jerk: No one asked

Sylvain: see i cant even appreciate that burn because im hurt

Ashe: We’re sorry, Sylvain...

Sylvain: wounded

Mercedes: We’re sorry, Sylvain. :(

Sylvain: beaten

jerk: This is pathetic

Annette: youre pathetic

jerk: no one asked

Sylvain: BROKEN BEYOND REPAIR

jerk: Stop screaming

Sylvain: it’s called capslock you edgelord

Annette: sjdkldxbdj

Sylvain: ok but yeah im hurt time to go

Ingrid: I’m sorry for suspecting you, Sylvain.

Sylvain: !!!

Sylvain: ok im better now

Sylvain: ;>

Ashe: Just like that?

Ingrid: It’s that easy.

Sylvain: D:

Ingrid: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Sylvain: i curse the day dorothea taught you emoticons

Ingrid: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

His Highness: Anyways

His Highness: If it wasn’t Felix or Sylvain and a bedpartnerd of his, then who was it?

His Highness: ***bedpartner, apologies for the typo.

Annette: AAJLSJLJSNLALXA

Sylvain: CNCSODHODA

His Highness: ???

Annette: BEDPARTNERD

Sylvain: I have a thing for the

Sylvain: _s m a r t o n e s_

Sylvain: ingrid wanna train later

Ingrid: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Sylvain: ?

Ingrid: No.

Sylvain: worth a shot

Annette: BEDPARTNERD

Ashe: You have to admit, that is a clever typo.

His Highness: Well, it wasn’t intentional!

His Highness: I don’t understand why it’s so funny.

Sylvain: bc it is

Annette: BEDPARTNERD

Ingrid: Moving on

Ingrid: His highness did pose a rather serious question.

Ingrid: If not Felix, nor Sylvain and any of his conquests, who could have caused the noise?

Mercedes: Oh?

His Highness: Mercedes?

Dedue: Is something the matter?

Sylvain: whats happening

Mercedes: Claude just approached Annie and I here in the library.

Mercedes: He says he's responsible for the noise and that he apologizes.

Annette: and he just walked away like nothing happened!!!

Ingrid: Oh.

His Highness: Oh.

Dedue: I see.

Ashe: Well, Claude’s room _is_ next to Felix’s...

Ingrid: It adds up...

Sylvain: well claude’s always been into pretty cool stuff if you know what i mean

Sylvain: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

Annette: ewww nooooo

Sylvain: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Annette: D:

Ingrid: Stop corrupting her.

Ashe: Did Claude actually tell you what the noise was?

Mercedes: He didn’t.

Mercedes: But whenever we tried to ask, he deflected.

Dedue: Suspicious.

Sylvain: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

Ashe: I doubt Claude would ever do anything to endanger the monastery though.

His Highness: I will choose to trust him on this.

His Highness: Like you say, Ashe, I don’t think Claude would be so heartless to hurt anyone here.

Dedue: If this is his highness’ thoughts.

Annette: so case solved? just like that?

Ingrid: That was rather underwhelming.

Ingrid: We never even found out what the noise was.

Ashe: Maybe some things are better off unknown.

Ingrid: I suppose.

His Highness: Annette, you are at the library, correct? I can deliver my notes to you there now.

Annette: !!!

Annette: i wouldnt want to inconvenience you your highness!! i can come to you

His Highness: Nonsense, Dedue and I are on our way.

Annette: ok,,, thanks so much,,,,

Sylvain: ingrid still no to sparring??

Ingrid: I’ll have to pass. I’m heading to the library as well. I have a book to return.

Ashe: Oh? Is that what I think it is?

Ingrid: Yes. And I recall promising to lend it to you once I was done with it, Ashe.

Ashe: That’s great! I’ll meet you at the library!

Sylvain: :((((

Sylvain: is there nothing i can do to convince you otherwise

Ingrid: Not that I can think of.

Ingrid: Next time, Sylvain.

Sylvain: im holding you to that

Ingrid: Hold on to me for too long and I might just become another one of your bedpartnerds.

Sylvain: I-

Sylvain: you-

Sylvain: I think I just fell in love with you a little more.

Ingrid: Well, you did say you liked the smart ones.

Ingrid: I’ll see you soon, Sylvain.

Ingrid: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

Sylvain: ,,,,

Sylvain: youre gonna kill me one day ingrid i swear

Mercedes: **͡** ° **͜ʖ ͡** °

Annette: sylvain

Sylvain: what

Annette: no one asked :3

X

( _Later, in a private conversation_ )

Claude: you owe me big time

Claude: who knows what your housemates are saying about me now

Felix: I didn’t think you cared

Claude: you know a thank you would be nice

Claude: thank you for feeding my cat while i was training late into the night Claude

Claude: thank you for putting in the effort to be really discreet about it like i said Claude

Claude: thank you for warding off my suspicious housemates from finding out about my furry little secret Claude

Felix: If you did it discreetly, this never wouldve been a problem

Claude: whatever you tell yourself edgelord

Felix: Don’t call me that

Claude: ok edgelord

X

( _Later, in a different group chat_ )

Edelgard: The Blue Lions heard some strange noises last night.

Edelgard: Jeritza.

Edelgard: Did I not tell you to keep the Death Knight in control.

Death Knight: I was not the cause of the noise.

Hubert: Who let you be nicknamed Death Knight here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow @/wrongbluelions on twitter or you're just another one of Sylvain's bedpartnerds


	3. back seat squad, burn battle, and paper shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvain is bored and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blue lions shitpost part 3

Sylvain: im bored

His Highness: Sylvain, we are in the middle of class.

Sylvain: doesnt look like its stopping you either your highness

Annette: oooohhhh

Mercedes: Oh, we're texting during class now?

Mercedes: This looks fun ^_^

His Highness: It really isn't.

Sylvain: but you arent stoppppiinnngggg

His Highness: Not until you do.

jerk: A childish comeback boar

His Highness: Not you too.

Annette: ooohhhh this is risky

Annette: 5 of us are active rn

jerk: Nice observation

Annette: jerk

**[jerk] set [Annette]'s nickname to [no one asked]**

no one asked: I HATE YOU

no one asked: and that joke's gotten old anyways!!!!

Sylvain: i did this

Sylvain: my power

His Highness: This is disrespectful to the professor everyone! We really should stop.

Sylvain: but

Sylvain: we could also not stop

no one asked: big brain

Sylvain: thank you

Sylvain: and chill your highness 

Sylvain: the professor hasnt noticed anything

Mercedes: Which is rather odd, if you think about it actually.

Sylvain: besides

Sylvain: youre the one whos most at risk

Sylvain: youre the only one in the front whos texting

no one asked: back people solidarity

Mercedes: ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°

Sylvain: they get me

His Highness: That doesn't matter. What's important is that everyone stops now and pays attention to the professor!

His Highness: >:(

Sylvain: I-

no one asked: AWWWWwww

Sylvain: i see you have learned the ways of the

Sylvain: _e m o t i c o n_

Mercedes: Your highness, that's very adorable of you!

His Highness: Adorable?!

Annette: aw he’s turning red!

Mercedes: No need to try and hide it, your highness. That makes it cuter ^_^

His Highness: Please stop.

Sylvain: yeah mercedes he looks like he’s about to explode any minute now

jerk: Disgusting

no one asked:

jerk: What was that

no one asked: my nickname was the response to your last comment

no one asked: jerk

Sylvain: oof

Sylvain: we really cant get through chatting without you two fighting each other can we

jerk: No

no one asked: probably not

His Highness: This has dragged on long enough, I’m going to go back to paying attention to the lesson again. =_=

His Highness: I _did_ warn you all.

no one asked: aw another emoticon

Sylvain: warning heeded your highness ;)

Mercedes: Chat soon, your highness!

no one asked: ,,,

no one asked: did you see him sigh heavily just now

Sylvain: yes

Sylvain: just like how i saw the full force of the Dedue Disapproving LookTM

no one asked: :(((((((

**[Sylvain] set the chat name [BLUE LIONS] to [back seat squad]**

Sylvain: only the kool kids are left

Mercedes: You misspelled the word “cool”, Sylvain!

no one asked: no he didnt

Sylvain: ¯\\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯

no one asked: ( ‾ʖ̫‾)

Sylvain: felix whered you go

jerk: I am sitting right next to you

Sylvain: you stopped replying :((((

no one asked: what a jerk move

Sylvain: keep the chat alive!!

jerk: None of you are worth my time

no one asked: your time is probably worthless anyways

Mercedes: Oh!

Sylvain: OOOHHHHH

**[Sylvain] set the chat name [back seat squad] to [felix vs annette burn battle]**

Sylvain: this shouldve been the original chat name what was his highness thinking

no one asked: it’s not really a battle if the same person keeps winning

no one asked: ᕦ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ᕤ

jerk: By that person, I assume you mean me

no one asked: no not at all

Mercedes: This is quite entertaining.

Sylvain: tell me about it

jerk: You clearly have a problem with facing facts

no one asked: says the loser to the winner

jerk: No one asked

no one asked: you cant keep hiding behind that and you know it

jerk: Im also sure i know a lot more things than you do

no one asked: youre grasping, attacking my intelligence?? weak

Sylvain: things are heating up

Mercedes: I’m on the edge of my seat!

jerk: You’re not worth thinking up a new argument for

no one asked: that or youre milking in the only argument you have

jerk: Recount to me any other time youve won an argument against me

no one asked: youre changing the subject

jerk: We’re still talking about arguments

no one asked: thats a technicality

no one asked: i call foul!

jerk: Theres no one to call to

**[Sylvain] set their nickname to [ref #1]**

**[Sylvain] set [Mercedes]’s nickname to [ref #2]**

ref #1: you are mistaken

ref #2: I am whistling!

ref #2: (˳˘ ɜ˘) ♬♪♫

no one asked: thats adorable mercie!!!

jerk: You dont actually have a whistle and thats not all referees do

no one asked: jerk

ref #1: nah he’s right we have a job to do ref #2

ref #2: I concede to the accusation, ref #1.

ref #1: lets do it then

ref #1: are we letting participant jerk get away with his technicality and changing the subject

jerk: I am not changing the subject

ref #1: this is a discussion between refs participant jerk, kindly avoid listening in

jerk: This is a group chat

no one asked: LET THEM TALK

ref #2: Ref #1, I think we should stick to the original topic! Participant no one asked raised a good point. And yes, we were never talking about arguments in general, but, rather the argument participant jerk always raised.

no one asked: even the ref is on my side prepare to lose felix

jerk: She’s biased

jerk: This is unfair

no one asked: sylvain’s your childhood friend!! this is fair!! he’s biased to you!!

jerk: No he’s not

ref #1: no im not

no one asked: oh

ref #1: anyways

ref #1: while i do agree with participant no one asked and ref #2

ref #1: participant jerk has a point we need an unbiased ref

no one asked: SEE he’s trying to help you

jerk: He’s making it fair just like any referee should

ref #1: just doin my job U_U

ref #2: Where do we get another referee though? There’s only us. :0

ref #1: not for long

x

Ashe: What is going on here??

Ashe: And Sylvain, I don’t appreciate all the paper you threw at me and neither did Ingrid.

ref #1: less talk more reffing

ref #2: I took a video of all your attempts at recruitment, ref #1. We may need it in the future.

ref #1 good thinking ref #2

no one asked: hi ashe!!

Ashe: Someone please tell me what’s going on

**[ref #1] set [Ashe]’s nickname to [ref #3]**

ref #3: ???

ref #1: welcome

no one asked: youre gonna help me win ashe

jerk: No he wont

no one asked: funny how you still believe that

ref #3: ???

ref #1: scroll up and make your verdict ref #3

ref #3: Scroll up to where exactly?

ref #2: When Felix and Annette are fighting!

ref #3: Most of this is Felix and Annette fighting...

ref #1: the og argument ref #3

no one asked: the one i won

jerk: funny how you believe that

no one asked: UGH ALL YOU DO IS THROW MY BURNS BACK AT ME THATS UNORIGINAL

no one asked: AND ILLEGAL

ref #3: Is it?

ref #2: Is it?

ref #1: well no

ref #1: but it’s an ouchie to the originality points

jerk: I dont need those points to win

no one asked: SO YOU ADMIT YOURE UNORIGINAL

ref #3: Oh...

ref #1: she’s got a point there

jerk: I didnt say that

no one asked: YOU PRACTICALLY DID

jerk: Stop screaming

no one asked: IT’S CALLED CAPSLOCK YOU EDGELORD

ref #1: -Sylvain Jose Gautier

ref #1: im allowing this plagiarism

jerk: This again?

no one asked: you never stopped being an edgelord so yes this again

jerk: Singing the same old tune wont do you any good

no one asked: what

no one asked: wait

no one asked: no

no one asked: dont you dare

no one asked: AND YOURE THE ONE SINGING THE SAME OLD TUNE BURN RECYCLER

ref #2: ?

ref #1: whats going on

jerk: Steaks

jerk: Cakes

no one asked: STOP

no one asked: FELIX

jerk: Swamp beasties was it?

no one asked: YOURE A VILLAIN

ref #3: I’m lost??

ref #1: same

ref #2: (:0

jerk: Bears too right?

no one asked: UGH

no one asked: ok

no one asked: im withdrawing

ref #1: what

ref #2: :<

ref #1: boooooooooo

ref #1: felix what did you do

jerk: Nothing

no one asked: jerk

jerk: I just wondered about some things I still have to ask annette

no one asked: i hate you

jerk: Theyre valid questions

ref #2: So it’s over then?

ref #2: I was rooting for you, Annie! :(

ref #1: we were all rooting for you :((((

no one asked: :(((((((

ref #3: This is over then? I’m going to go back to paying attention now.

ref #3: Er, sorry I wasn’t much help in this.

ref #3: Whatever this was...

ref #1: its ok ref #3 thank you for your service

ref #2: Much appreciated ref #3!

no one asked: bye ashe!!

ref #1: did ingrid notice you texting the whole time btw

ref #3: Sylvain, we are going to have words later. -Ingrid

ref #3: Well...

ref #1: oh no

jerk: Serves you right

no one asked: quiet cheater

jerk: You conceded willingly

no one asked: i said silence

ref #1: oof

ref #1: that was anticlimactic

ref #2: I agree :<<<

ref #2: What now?

ref #1: well i do still have a lot of paper

jerk: Its my paper

ref #1: be a generous victor you edgelord

ref #1: what say a paper ball shooting contest, ladies

no one asked: you’re on!

no one asked: as long as we dont get into trouble

ref #2: Sounds fun!

ref #1: ok what about

ref #1: team that hits the most passerbys

no one asked: oh wow i did just notice the professor left the doors open for this class

ref #2: Yes, the breeze is quite nice.

ref #1: 1pt for a golden deer or a black eagle, 2pts for edelgard and claude

jerk: Who said i was participating

ref #1: i did :))))))

no one asked: i agree to those terms

ref #2: Same.

ref #1: lets begin

x

ref #2: Dorothea!

no one asked: lysithea

ref #1: leonie

jerk: ferdinand

jerk: ferdinand

ref #2: Felix, I don't think it's wise to keep hitting Ferdinand.

ref #1: ferdinand

no one asked: poor ferdinand

x

ref #1: hilda

ref #1: ignatz

no one asked: raphael

ref #1: thats cheating he’s too easy a target

no one asked: :P

ref #2: I also hit Raphael!

no one asked: poor raphael

jerk: Linhardt and Caspar

ref #2: Is the ball hitting Linhardt then rebounding on to Caspar counted as two points?

ref #1: yes

no one asked: biased

ref #1: all’s fair in paper and war

jerk: Whats the rule about hitting faculty

x

ref #1: ABORT DAMN SH

ref #1: WHOSE BALL HIT RHEA WHAT THE HELL

x

( _Later_ )

His Highness: What is all this

no one asked: bonding

Dedue: Please clean up all the paper that’s accumulated outside the classroom.

His Highness: Sylvain, why does Lady Rhea want to see you?

Ingrid: I have him, your highness. Leave it to me.

ref #1: someone save me

x

( _Later, in a different group chat_ )

Edelgard: We are going to war.

Dimitri: What

Claude: your highness dont start a fight you cant finish

Claude: the deer are coming for you

Claude: fear the deer

Edelgard: We will bury you in paper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the one who hit rhea was felix, edelgard wants blood (but like,, playfully), and byleth knew half her class was on their phones but let it play out because, using divine pulse, she wanted to see rhea get hit with paper again


	4. war, big balls, and ambushes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is war and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long, i procrastinated a lot,, anyways blue lions shitpost part 4 lots of the other houses meddling here

His Highness: Can someone tell me why-

His Highness: Edelgard and Claude are declaring war on us

ref #1: no idea

no one asked: doesnt ring any bells

ref #2: Clueless!

His Highness: Which of you is which again?

**[Dedue] set the chat name [felix vs annette burn battle] to [Blue Lions]**

**[Dedue] set [ref #1]’s nickname to [Sylvain]**

**[Dedue] set [ref #2]’s nickname to [Mercedes]**

**[Dedue] set [ref #3]’s nickname to [Ashe]**

**[Dedue] set [no one asked]’s nickname to [Annette]**

Sylvain: :((((((((((

His Highness: Thank you, Dedue!

jerk: Why didnt you change mine back

Dedue: I didn’t feel the need to.

Annette: OOF

Sylvain: OUCH

Ashe: Oh, our names are back to normal.

Sylvain: youll always be ref #3 in our hearts ashe

Annette: UwU

Ashe: =_=

His Highness: Please tell me why war is being declared on us

Sylvain: does it really matter your highness???

Annette: yeah!! we just have to win right?

Mercedes: I agree!

Ingrid: As suspicious as this all this, it would be nice to train with the other houses.

Ashe: Is something like this really still considered training?

Ingrid: I don’t see why not. ^_^

Annette: aww thats a cute one ingrid!

Ingrid: Thank you!

His Highness: I’m surprised you’re on board with this, Ingrid.

jerk: There’s food on the line isnt there

Ingrid: Er-

Sylvain: oh wow

Annette: this makes more sense

His Highness: Ingrid....

Ingrid: Let me explain!

Ingrid: Yuri approached me and said the victor would be the recipient of a fine home-cooked meal from him.

Sylvain: Yuri?

Ingrid: He’s actually quite the skilled chef.

Ashe: Oh, I agree!

Sylvain: shady

Ashe: But the Ashen Wolves are joining too?

Ingrid: It seems so.

His Highness: I wasn’t informed of this development.

Annette: we didnt even hit any of them!

Ashe: He’s not in the house leaders group chat, your highness?

His Highness: He left shortly after its creation.

Ashe: That sounds like him...

Sylvain: suspicious

Sylvain: but oh well more people to hit

His Highness: To hit?!

Ingrid: Sylvain....

Sylvain: i mean think about it ingrid

Sylvain: dont you think he’s just baiting you with food?

Ingrid: And what would he stand to gain from that?

Sylvain: uh

Sylvain: chaos?? i dunno

Sylvain: a date??

Sylvain: whatever he’s into

Ashe: That actually does sound like something he would do.

Ingrid: I don’t want to assume the worst of him.

Sylvain: k then

Ingrid: >:(

Ashe: Er.

Annette: uhhhh

Mercedes: The atmosphere changed. :<

Sylvain: anyways yeah more targets

His Highness: Wait, what?

Mercedes: Nothing, your highness. ^-^

Annette: they were underground! hitting them wouldve been impossible! this is our chance to actually do it! >:0

Sylvain: i mean,, someone did manage to hit lady rhea

Ingrid: Yes and that was you.

Sylvain: I SWEAR IT WASNT ME WHY DOES EVERYONE THINK ITS ME

Ingrid: Who else could it have been?

Sylvain: hey felix annette and mercedes were in on it too

Annette: way to throw us under the bus! >:(

Mercedes: D:

Sylvain: all’s fair in paper and war

jerk: Are you really quoting yourself

Sylvain: yes

Annette: >:(((((((((((

Mercedes: :(((((((((((((

His Highness: I’m so confused.

Dedue: Your highness, I’ll fill you in at a later time.

Sylvain: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Annette: EW

Mercedes: Oh my

jerk: disgusting.

Ingrid: I’ve lost my appetite.

His Highness: ?

Dedue: Sylvain, we will talk later.

Sylvain: uh oh

His Highness: Back to the matter at hand.

His Highness: I don’t think engaging in “war” with our comrades does us any good.

Ingrid: Well....

jerk: It’s still going to go on

His Highness: What?

jerk: You think us withdrawing is going to stop the other houses from going at it?

Ashe: He does raise a good point.

Mercedes: But don’t they think we instigated it? Won’t our withdrawal stop everything then?

Annette: (i mean we did kind of instigate it)

Ingrid: I think it will only make us look like cowards at this point.

His Highness: “at this point”?

Sylvain: ingrid and i saw raphael and hilda pushing a cart filled with paper towards the golden deer classroom

Annette: raphael AND hilda?

Ingrid: Ok, Raphael only.

Ashe: That makes more sense.

Dedue: Speaking of which, I may have also seen Petra and Caspar coming from the marketplace with newly-bought paper.

Mercedes: Oh dear.

Annette: wow!! everyone’s really taking this seriously!!

Sylvain: our impact

Ingrid: All the more reason not to retreat, your highness.

His Highness: Well...

Annette: i think it’ll be fun!! :D

Ashe: If everyone is taking this as seriously as they seem to be, I’m not so sure.... But I’ll definitely try my best!

Mercedes: How exciting!

Sylvain: come on your highness! we’re not going to lose to them!

jerk: We better not

Ingrid: Surely we won’t as long as we work together.

Dedue: Your highness, I’m only on board with this if you are.

His Highness: You all make it so hard to say “no”....

Annette: :DDDDDD

Mercedes: :))))))))))))

Sylvain: :>>>>>>>>

jerk: Stop.

Annette: killjoy >:(

His Highness: I suppose I’ll tell Claude and Edelgard we’ll be participating then.

His Highness: Oh and Yuri as well.

Annette: YES

Mercedes: Let’s do our best, Annie!

Annette: of course!!!

Sylvain: here we go!

Ingrid: Let’s start gathering supplies immediately!

Ashe: You really do get riled up when food is on the line, don’t you, Ingrid?

jerk: definitely

Ingrid: >:/

Ingrid: I’m going to the library to see if they have any spare paper.

Sylvain: i’ll go with you :)))

Ingrid: As long as you make sure to stay focused on the task, Sylvain. =_=

Sylvain: of course!

Sylvain: a feast is on the line after all

Sylvain: i’ll assume yuri meant a feast for ALL the members of the winning team :)))

Ingrid: Oh! He never actually specified, but I assumed that was the case.

Sylvain: right

Annette: be on the look out you two! you never know who's lurking around

Mercedes: Yes, proceed with caution!

Ashe: Would they really start right away? His highness did just inform the house leaders of our participation just now...

His Highness: Claude replied with deer emojis, I fear it’s already begun.

His Highness: Oh and it seems there's an elimination process, once you're hit, you're out.

Ashe: Oh wow.

Mercedes: Oh dear.

Sylvain: dont you mean oh deer

Annette: ,,,,,

jerk: I’ll go with sylvain and ingrid

His Highness: That’s quite thoughtful of you, Felix!

Ingrid: Much appreciated, Felix :)

jerk: If the other houses see you two coming for paper theyll be drawn to you both and i can eliminate them

Annette: and theres the true motive

Mercedes: Strategic though!

Sylvain: oohh devious

Sylvain: make sure not to miss

jerk: Obviously

Dedue: I’ll scavenge the classroom then. Surely, we’ll have supplies there.

Mercedes: Oh, I was just about to suggest that!

Mercedes: May I come with? I’d like to help.

Dedue: It’s fine, I’m quite certain I can do it myself.

His Highness: You can never be too careful, Dedue.

Annette: yeah! theres safety in numbers!

Mercedes: :)

Dedue: I will be accompanying Mercedes then.

Dedue: I’ll wait by the dorms.

Mercedes: Thank you! I won’t take long!

Dedue: Will you come along as well, your highness?

His Highness: I think you and Mercedes have that front covered. I suppose I’ll scavenge areound my room then.

His Highness: Ashe, Annette, I trust you’ll do the same?

Annette: sure!! i wanted to go with mercie but like you said your highness i think she and dedue can handle themselves!!

Annette: make sure to stay alert tho!

Mercedes: Of course!

Ashe: Oh your highness, I have a suggestion!

His Highness: Yes, Ashe?

Ashe: What if we were to gather other sorts of materials like paint and glue?

Annette: OH!! good idea

His Highness: Why would we need those though?

Annette: to get the best of them!!

His Highness: ?

Ashe: I’ve a feeling Yuri doesn’t really intend to play fairly... or will bend the rules as far as he can.

Annette: mhm! and claude! he’s bound to have more than a few tricks up his sleeve

Ashe: All I’m saying is that it’ll be good to be prepared.

His Highness: I see! You’ve raised a good point, Ashe. Let’s gather these materials then!

Ashe: It’s really not that big a contribution...

Annette: SSHHH ashe ur a genius ok

His Highness: I think we can find all the materials you mentioned and more at the Marketplace.

His Highness: Ashe, Annette, would you like to accompany me?

Annette: of course, your highness!

Ashe: As she says, your highness.

His Highness: I’ll meet you both by the dining hall.

Annette: >:D

x

( _Meanwhile, in a different group chat_ )

Edelgard: The Blue Lions have stated their participation in this war.

Petra: I have the eyes on them!

Petra: I am seeing Sylvain, Ingrid, and Felix!

Edelgard: You have permission to attack.

Dorothea: Already? This really has you fired up, doesn’t it, Edie?

Petra: I will be doing my best!

Caspar: REINFORCEMENTS ON THE WAY PETRA

Linhardt: Please stop using capslock it hurts my eyes

Dorothea: Take care you two!

x

( _Meanwhile, in a different group chat_ )

Hilda: claude ~

fear the deer: yes?

Hilda: marianne and i have dedue and mercedes in our sights

fear the deer: hmmm

fear the deer: o p p o r t u n i t y

fear the deer: theyre scary though

fear the deer: wait for raphael to back you up

fear the deer: got that big guy?

muscles on muscles: understood!

Hilda: bring tons of paper

muscles on muscles: carrying a bag as we speak!

Hilda: heh

x

Sylvain: fUCK

His Highness: Language!

Sylvain: YOUR HIGHNESS WE’RE BEING ATTACKED

His Highness: What?!

Ingrid: We are currently hiding out behind some of the library shelves.

Sylvain: petra and caspar came in and started throwing paper balls at us

Sylvain: EXCEPT THEY WERE THESE HUGE PAPER BALLS

Sylvain: THE SIZE OF A HEAD

Ashe: They made them that big?!

Annette: thats really cool but really scary

Sylvain: we’re outnumbered

His Highness: Where is Felix?

Sylvain: oh that brave soul,,,

Annette: was he hit???

Ingrid: Felix, fortunately, was able to sense their presences before Sylvain and I did.

Ingrid: He sliced the first three balls the Black Eagles pelted at us.

Ingrid: But Ferdinand appeared and proceeded to chase him out of the library with more of the giant paper balls.

Ingrid: He left his phone with us.

Sylvain: he will be missed

Sylvain: i miss him already in fact

Sylvain: what a heroic sacrifice

Ashe: Do both of you have any paper?

Ingrid: We were about to procure some, but that’s when Petra and Caspar struck.

Ashe: Oh no...

Annette: yikes!! :,(((

Annette: we have materials!! we’ll get them to you!!

Dedue: There will be no need for that.

His Highness: Dedue!

Dedue: I’m nearing the library with paper as we speak.

Dedue: Distract them and I’ll take them out from behind.

Sylvain: on it

Sylvain: youre a lifesaver dedue

Ingrid: Thank you, Dedue.

Ashe: That’s smart!

Annette: dedue, where’s mercie??? (:<

Dedue: Mercedes and I were ambushed as well.

Annette: wHAT

Annette: IS SHE OKAY

Sylvain: oh no

Dedue: We were cornered by some Golden Deer as we exited the classroom.

Dedue: Mercedes was quick to act though.

Dedue: Before I knew it, she had used her magic to send our paper flying at them.

Annette: THATS RIGHT!!! SHOW EM NO MERCY MERCIE!!!

His Highness: Leave it to Mercedes to make sure their plan backfired!

Dedue: She told me to go ahead when we received news of the library ambush.

Dedue: She’ll follow as soon as she’s eliminated our attackers.

Annette: >:DDDDDDD

Syvlain: the deer must be cowering rn

Annette: definitely!!

Annette: but,,

Annette: although i believe in her i kind of want to make sure she'll be okay,,

His Highness: You can go to her if you wish, Annette. Ashe and I will be fine.

Annette: really you’re highness???

His Highness: Really. As powerful as she is, I believe you'll have better chances attacking together.

Annette: thanks so much i’ll make sure we win this! >:D

Ashe: Stay safe, Annette!

Annette: will do! thanks ashe!

Dedue: Sylvain, Ingrid, I’m closing in on the entrance of the library.

Sylvain: ooohhh

Sylvain: ready ingrid?

Ingrid: I’m right beside you, Sylvain. We don’t need to keep chatting.

Sylvain: it informs the rest of them :D

Annette: true!

Annette: thank you for the updates sylvain! uwu

Sylvain: no problem annette! uwu

Dedue: Ready.

Ingrid: Now, Sylvain!

His Highness: I wish you three luck!

x

 _(Later, in a different group chat_ )

Petra: We were eliminated :(

Caspar: SORRY EDELGARD they gave us the slip >:/

Edelgard: It’s quite fine you two.

Edelgard: There’s still time to fight back and win.

Linhardt: Theres a deadline?

Hubert: It was decided that the competition would end as soon as a new day begun.

Dorothea: So 12am in normal speak.

Hubert: Yes.

Edelgard: Plenty of time, so let’s not lose hope!

Dorothea: What did you mean by they “gave you the slip” btw, Caspar?

Petra: We were closing in on Sylvain and Ingrid as they had suddenly decided to exit their spots of hiding.

Petra: But Dedue came from the behind and showered Caspar and I with paper D:

Caspar: HE LITERALLY JUST SHOWERED US IN PAPER WITH TWO WASTEBASKETS

Linhardt: Please stop with the capslock

Caspar: SORry

Linhardt: Close enough

Petra: It was kind of “anticlimactic” actually.

Petra: Did I make use of that word correctly?

Dorothea: Yes you did, no worries Petra~

Petra: :D

Hubert: What of Ferdinand?

Petra: We have not heard from him.

Edelgard: Well, I’m sure he’s doing fine.

x

 _(Later, in a different group chat_ )

Hilda: Mission failed :(

muscles on muscles: Badly.

fear the deer: i heard :/

fear the deer: mercedes is already tricky enough to deal with alone

fear the deer: add in annette and youve got a recipe for disaster

jeralt jr: I would’ve been able to help!

fear the deer: sshhh no we’re saving you for laterrr

jeralt jr: “Later”? We’re already down by three people!

Hilda: Only two actually

Hilda: Marianne held her ground against the blue lions!

fear the deer: just like i predicted heh

fear the deer: dont worry so much leonie

fear the deer: i have plansss

fear the deer: just trust me

x

 _(Later, in a different group chat_ )

Yuri: So by my count it’s

Yuri: Two Golden Deer down.

Yuri: Three Black Eagles down.

Yuri: and all Ashen Wolves and Blue Lions still standing.

Claude: how did you get back into this group

Edelgard: Only two of the Black Eagles have been eliminated!

Yuri: Might want to look for your golden retriever, your majesty.

**[Yuri] left the group**

Edelgard: What?

Dimitri: Edelgard, I apologize in advance.

Edelgard: What are you talking about?

x

 _(Later, in a different group chat_ )

Hubert: I’ve located Ferdinand.

Hubert: It seems Felix saw it fit to pin him against a training dummy with a sword once he was done throwing our specially-made paper balls at him.

Ferdinand: I am Ferdinand von Aegir and that was not very nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was getting too long so yes im cutting the paper war into ?? parts :,> sorry for my maltreatment of ferdinand,,, i'd like to know if y'all liked the other houses' gcs being exposed in this chapter too and if i did their characters justice! i hope this chapter was enjoyable,, also it's been a while since i made it, but my new main twt is @trixstarsss! give it a follow if you wanna see me fangirl about anything and everything hehe,,


	5. alliances, necessary sacrifices, and sneakiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war continues and chaos ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I TAKE SO LONG TO UPDATE AND FOR HOW LONG THIS IS I HOPE Y'ALL ENJOY ALL THE SAME
> 
> HAPPY ANNETTE DAY 
> 
> Warning: LOTSA OTHER HOUSES AND ACTION
> 
> this was a bitch to write but eyy blue lions shitpost part 5

Annette: kinda weird having a strategy meeting all separated like this,,

Ashe: Well....

Sylvain: this is the safest way tho!

Sylvain: its not safe to be alone

Sylvain: but not safe for everyone to be in one place either

Annette: who’s with who again?

Ingrid: Sylvain and I are by the stables.

Dedue: Mercedes and I are outside the chapel.

His Highness: Ashe and I are by the pond.

Annette: how did we decide these pairs

Annette: someone please justify these pairs

Mercedes: Come on, Annie! I’m sure being partners with Felix isn’t that bad.

Annette: you try being bullied like this hmph >:/

Dedue: The pairings were decided by proximity.

Dedue: Ashe and His Highness as well as Sylvain and Ingrid were already together. it seemed logical.

Dedue: And you yourself saw me return to Mercedes’ side after the library incident.

Dedue: Pairing you and Felix up made the most sense seeing as we ran into him immediately afterwards, Annette.

Annette: I can go alone

Mercedes: Annie :<

Annette: No

Mercedes: ?

Annette: I handled ferdinand alone

Annette: Im more than capable

Ingrid: Felix?

Sylvain: oh right he never did get his phone back from us

His Highness: Well, Felix, you going off alone isn’t exactly optimal.

His Highness: You could easily be ambushed. Annette would also be left alone.

Annette: i can handle myself you highness!

Sylvain: is this annette now

Annette: yes!!

Annette: see felix is a bully he didnt even ask to borrow my phone

Annette: I did but she wouldnt let me use it

Annette: SEE

Annette: a meanie

**[Sylvain] set [Annette]’s nickname to [netteflix]**

Sylvain: there

netteflix: that’s doesnt help >:(

Mercedes: Aw, Sylvain, I personally prefer “FelAnnie” !

Sylvain: oh thats ok too actually

netteflix: mercie you traitor

Mercedes: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Ingrid: I hate to dismiss your struggles, Annette, but we really do have to talk strategy now. :<

Ingrid: Felix, please behave.

His Highness: I agree with Ingrid.

netteflix: I’m not a child

Ingrid: Then prove it.

Sylvain: :0

Dedue: Moving on.

Dedue: Your highness, do you have any ideas?

His Highness: Ashe and I were able to craft special paper balls!

Mercedes: Special?

Ashe: Well, I wouldn’t call them that....

Ashe: I just rigged them to explode with paint and glitter upon impact.

netteflix: WOAAAHHH

Mercedes: That’s amazing, Ashe!

Sylvain: impressive!!

Ashe: His Highness was a huge help!

His Highness: Hardly! Ashe took charge in their creation, I found myself simply watching more than helping honestly!

Ashe: That’s not true, your highness!

Ingrid: I am curious though, how did you manage that, Ashe? The glitter and paint?

netteflix: yeah it sounds tricky

Ashe: Well...

Ashe: I’d rather not say :)

netteflix: ooohhhh

Sylvain: suspicious

Sylvain: i like it

His Highness: I’m as clueless as you all are.

Ashe: My apologies, your highness...

Ashe: I promised the kids in the market not to tell.

netteflix: aww! thats so cute,,

Dedue: Very crafty, most those kids are.

Sylvain: oh yeah a lot of them are rascals

Ingrid: Oh? Since when have you made it a habit to visit the marketplace regularly, Sylvain?

Sylvain: welllllll

netteflix: we’re wasting time

His Highness: I assume that’s Felix.

netteflix: you’d assume right boar

Sylvain: fel is right tho!! time to brainstorm

Ingrid: Don’t think this conversation is over, Sylvain.

Sylvain: wouldnt dream of it ingrid <3

Mercedes: So how will we proceed?

Sylvain: i mean do we really need a well thought out strategy?

Ingrid: What do you mean?

Sylvain: we're essentially throwing paper at each other

Sylvain: you really think the other houses will take it so seriously?

x

( _Meanwhile, in a different group chat_ )

Yuribird: Everyone in position?

Coco: Affirmative!

Hapiness: Mhm.

B: Yep!

Yuribird: Excellent.

Yuribird: Time to win.

x

( _Meanwhile, in a different group chat_ )

jeralt jr: Can we go now?

jeralt jr: Pretty sure I saw a wolf or two move.

fear the deer: patienceee

fear the deer: marianne you ready?

friendship is marianne: um yes

fear the deer: raphael?

muscles on muscles: ready when you all are!

fear the deer: p e r f e c t

fear the deer: everyone knows what to do right

fear the deer: lorenz stop seening

loser: This is a waste of time.

Hilda: Is that a yes or no

loser: ...

loser: Yes, I know what to do.

Hilda: :))))

x

( _Meanwhile, in a different group chat_ )

Caspar: REDEMPTION TIME

Linhardt: you already died

Caspar: stop telling people im dead :(((

Linhardt: why do i still hear your voice

Edelgard: Hubert, Dorothea, Bernadetta, Linhardt, I’m counting on you.

Dorothea: We won’t let you down, Edie.

Hubert: Rest assured, Lady Edelgard.

Hubert: They will be disposed of.

Linhardt: this is why people fear you

Edelgard: Bernadetta?

Bernadetta: um i got it

Edelgard: Excellent!

Edelgard: We move now.

x

netteflix: um

netteflix: so felix and i are hiding

His Highness: What?

netteflix: deer

netteflix: a lot of them,,

Ashe: Oh no...

Dedue: Wolves are coming your way, your highness. Mercedes caught a glimpse of them.

His Highness: All of them?

Mercedes: All four, yes. :<

Sylvain: shit

netteflix: ?

Ingrid: Black Eagles.

netteflix: what!

His Highness: What?!

His Highness: Are we all cornered?

Dedue: It seems so.

Dedue: Several of the deer are in our sights, as well.

Sylvain: s h i t

netteflix: is everyone armed

netteflix: felix has a sword and i have magic

Ashe: His highness and I only have several paint paper balls with us...

Ingrid: Sylvain and I are sufficiently stocked.

Mercedes: Same with Dedue and I!

His Highness: Perhaps we could use the element of surprise?

netteflix: BYE ITS THE DEER

Ashe: What?!

Sylvain: WHAT

Ingrid: Sylvain the eagles are co

His Highness: Ingrid?!

x

fear the deer: INITIATE PLAN HUMAN SHIELD

x

netteflix: IS THIS LEGAL THEYRE USING RAPHAEL AS A SHIELD

Sylvain: ANNETTE GIVE THE PHONE TO FELIX

Ingrid: Sylvain the eagl

Mercedes: They’re doing the same with Hilda!

Ashe: The wolves, your highness!

x

Hubert: Bernadetta and I are driving them your way, Dorothea.

Linhardt: she’s busy who are they

Bernadetta: just sylvain and ingrid

Edelgard: Prepare to hit hard.

x

Hilda: Mercedes is hitting hard claude

fear the deer: i feel ya

fear the deer: felannie’s giving us a run for our money

Hilda: ?

Hilda: Oh those two

fear the deer: hows team LIM

Hilda: It’s like watching dodgeball but theyre doing pretty good

Hilda: Ohhh dedue nearly landed a head shot on lorenz

fear the deer: pls film that if it happens

fear the deer: wait who are you protecting

Hilda: Marianne duh

Hilda: Ignatz and lorenz are relentless!

fear the deer: good to hear!

fear the deer: you think you can overpower those two?

Hilda 50-50 we’ll see

Hilda: they’re too kind

Hilda: they’re really trying to avoid hitting my face it’s sweet

Hilda: hows team LCL

fear the deer: well not everythings going to plan

fear the deer: lysithea put me behind raphael instead and she and leonie are very

fear the deer: _enthusiastic_

fear the deer: kinda scary to watch

Hilda: Think you can win against them?

fear the deer: 50-50 too i’ll update you soon

Hilda: :)

x

Sylvain: ok so ingrid and i are kinda

Sylvain: fucked.

His Highness: Language!

Sylvain: youre being attacked by the wolves your highness how is this your first concern

netteflix: whats happening

Ingrid: We’ve barricaded ourselves in the greenhouse.

Ingrid: Dorothea and Linhardt are outside waiting.

Sylvain: with their gigantic paper balls

Sylvain: we on the other hand

Sylvain: have no more paper

His Highness: Wait.

His Highness: Dorothea and Linhardt.

Ingrid: Yes? They came out of hiding as Sylvain and I arrived. We used the last of our paper to drive them out.

His Highness: And who chased you into the greenhouse?

Sylvain: hubernie

His Highness: Edelgard.

His Highness: Where is Edelgard?

Sylvain: weird she didnt come for us too yeah but im not complai

His Highness: Sylvain?

netteflix: damn

His Highness: Sylvain!

Sylvain: kwdhaduhducnekhd

His Highness: Sylvain?

His Highness: Ingrid?

netteflix: shit

His Highness: Felix!

netteflix: boar

netteflix: basic tactics

Sylvain: dnaoiwhfoniwcfoe

netteflix: Edelgard was probably already waiting in the greenhouse.

His Highness: Darn it!

His Highness: You’re right.

His Highness: Sylvain! Ingrid!

Sylvain: csefknejnfj

Sylvain: Hello, Dimitri.

netteflix: fuck

Sylvain: I’d guess that’s Felix.

His Highness: ...

His Highness: Edelgard?

Sylvain: :)

x

Edelgard: It seems the Golden Deer have separated into two teams.

Edelgard: One team has cornered Felix and Annette in the Blue Lions classroom while the other has Dedue and Mercedes as targets. I assume they’re at the bridge leading to the chapel based on several messages?

Edelgard: They’ve deployed a human shield tactic. Hm, I have to applaud Claude for that.

Dorothea: So what’s the plan, Edie?

Edelgard: We’re assisting the Deer since they seem to have the upper hand. I’d like to see Dimitri try to get out of this one.

Edelgard: Dorothea, Linhardt, go the classrooms. Form an alliance and work to get rid of Felix and Annette.

Edelgard: Hubert, Bernadetta, to the bridge. Do the same and eliminate the Blue Lions.

Linhardt: and the deer?

Edelgard: We’ll deal with them after.

Hubert: And you, Lady Edelgard?

Edelgard: I’m sure I can negotiate with Yuri to take out Ashe and Dimitri.

Petra: Be careful, Edelgard!

Caspar: EDELGARD WE CAN COME WITH YOU!

Petra: Yes! We would like to be made useful!

Edelgard: I couldn’t do that to the both of you. I’ll be fine, don’t worry.

Ferdinand: Hmm, I must say using Sylvain’s phone to extract information truly was a clever idea.

Ferdinand: Though it feels like cheating, in a way.

Hubert: You don’t say.

Hubert: And an insult to honor is a necessary sacrifice for victory.

Ferdinand: Was it your idea then, Hubert?

Ferdinand: It seems you’re capable of thinking for yourself after all.

Edelgard: That’s enough, you two.

Edelgard: Move out.

x

Hilda: Claude ~

fear the deer: beagles?

Hilda: Mhmm

fear the deer: work with them but stay alert

Hilda: Got it

x

Ingrid: I’m sorry to say that Sylvain and I have been eliminated, your highness. :(

His Highness: I had figured...

His Highness: You both fought honorably.

Sylvain: using my phone was insult to injury

Sylvain: i am hurt

netteflix: felix and i are climbing out a window.

His Highness: Be careful, you two!

Ingrid: Is there any way we could help?

Ingrid: How are you and Ashe, your highness?

Ashe: We’ve been hiding behind a fruit stall for quite a while now. We were lucky enough to find it just as Yuri and the others entered the area.

Sylvain: nice

His Highness: Does anyone know of Dedue and Mercedes’ condition?

Sylvain: i can check, they probs need help anyway

Sylvain: ingrid?

Ingrid: Felix, Annette, do you require assistance?

netteflix: We’ll be fine, we’re nearly out. We’ll find somewhere to hide. Truce or not, i’m sure things will get ugly soon

His Highness: Truce?

netteflix: your highness we heard dorothea and linhardt outside the room,,,,

netteflix: we think the deer and the eagles are working together,,,

Sylvain: ah shit

His Highness: Language!

His Highness: But this is bad news.

netteflix: I have an idea

Ingrid: Felix or Annette?

netteflix: Felix.

netteflix: Sylvain get to mercedes and dedue, be their human shield we cant lose them

Sylvain: very compassionate of you fel

netteflix: Move

Sylvain: got it!

netteflix: Ingrid, annette’s going to use her magic to create auditory tricks inside the room

netteflix: they’ll think we’re still in there

netteflix: sneak up on them and tear their alliance apart

His Highness: Ah.

His Highness: You aim to get them to turn against each other.

Sylvain: very cunning

Sylvain: i love it

netteflix: I told you to move

Sylvain: running as we spe

His Highness: Sylvain?

Sylvain: ok im gonna stop texting i tripped

netteflix: Serves you right

netteflix: Ingrid

netteflix: Understand?

Ingrid: Yes, a very clever plan indeed.

Ingrid: I’ll do my best.

netteflix: Be careful

netteflix: 6 outside, dorothea, linhardt, raphael, claude, lysithea, leonie

Ingrid: Hmm, Claude will be a bit challenging to trick...

Ingrid: My best tactic would be angering Lysithea or Leonie, wouldn’t it?

netteflix: Thats what i was thinking yeah

Ingrid: Hm.

Ingrid: This will be entertaining.

Ingrid: I’ll move out now.

His Highness: Stay safe, Ingrid!

Ingrid: You as well, your highness!

Ingrid: I’m on my way, Felix.

netteflix: When you see that youve caused enough chaos get out of there right away Ingrid

netteflix: Theres another thing i need you to do

x

Hilda: Theres a complication

fear the deer: hm?

Hilda: Sylvain just entered the fray

Hilda: They stole our shield tactic!

fear the deer: huh guess edelgard got to them

fear the deer: how are you all holding up?

Hilda: Paranoid?? bernadetta’s cool but hubert??

fear the deer: i see i see

fear the deer: paper supplies?

Hilda: Running low we’ve been at it for a while after all

Hilda: and the eagles didnt bring any

fear the deer: supply run?

Hilda: can’t risk it, bernie says edelgard, the wolves, and i think some blue lions are in the marketplace??

fear the deer: damn

Hilda: wait shit

fear the deer: ??

fear the deer: wait fuck

Hilda: CLAUDE THEY JUST

fear the deer: CANT TALK FUC

fear the deer: sdnjncjnsojnc

x

Hubert: Petra, Caspar, Ferdinand, make yourselves useful.

Ferdinand: What?

Petra: What is happening?

Hubert: Keep an eye out for Mercedes, Dedue, and Ingrid.

Ferdinand: I thought you and the Golden Deer had them cornered?

Petra: Ingrid?

Hubert: We’re in pursuit, I have no time to explain.

Bernadetta: ingrid came with some pegasi and they escaped

Caspar: WHAT

Petra: !!!

Ferdinand: That’s... rather impressive, I must say.

Hubert: I don’t care.

Hubert: Search for them and report back.

Hubert: Make sure they stay in one place.

Hubert: They’re bound to land somewhere.

Caspar: GOT IT

Edelgard: My, this is an interesting turn of events.

Hubert: Lady Edelgard, my apologies for our incompetence.

Edelgard: There is no need, Hubert.

Edelgard: I’ve run into some complications myself.

Petra: What is the matter, Edelgard?

Edelgard: Yuri agreed to an alliance.

Edelgard: But it will expire soon and we still have yet to find Dimitri and Ashe.

Hubert: Do you require assistance?

Edelgard: No, it’s fine.

Edelgard: Focus on your chase and I’ll focus on mine.

Hubert: Understood.

Edelgard: Dorothea, Linhardt, report.

Edelgard: Dorothea, Linhardt.

Edelgard: Dorothea?

Edelgard: Linhardt?

x

Claude: i gotta say

Claude: youre all playing real smart

Edelgard: I must say the same goes for you, Claude.

Claude: mostly praising dima actually princess

Edelgard: Oh?

Dimitri: What have I done to warrant such praise?

Claude: ingrid with the pegasi? sneaky

Claude: causing trouble within our alliance??

Claude: even _sneakier_

Edelgard: What?

Dimitri: :)

Claude: sure you heard the other half from hubie but his highness here did a good job at wrecking our truce, edie

Claude: had our houses go against each other

Claude: and succeeded in eliminating enemies without even batting an eyelash

Edelgard: ...

Edelgard: Impressive.

Claude: leonie and lysithea are out on my end

Claude: linhardt’s out on yours

Edelgard: I expected as much.

Edelgard: Very cunning, Dimitri.

Dimitri: It’s Felix I have to thank for this.

Dimitri: I’m afraid I’m too busy hiding to come up with strategies.

Claude: ???

Edelgard: Nothing to concern yourself with, Claude.

Edelgard: You can’t hide forever.

Edelgard: We will find you.

Claude: “we” huh

Claude: so the princess is forming alliances everywhere she goes

Claude: such

Claude: _c u n n i n g_

Claude: yuri i know you found your way back into this gc somehow and that you have spies everywhere whats the count

Yuri: The Golden Deer, Black Eagles, and Ashen Wolves have four members left. Brilliant in my case and pathetic in both of yours.

Claude: >:/

Yuri: You, Marianne, Ignatz, and Lorenz are left, correct?

Yuri: and for the Eagles, it’s Edelgard, Dorothea, Hubert, and Bernadetta?

Edelgard: That’s right.

Yuri: Congrats, your highness, you’re in the lead with six people left.

Yuri: Enjoy it while it lasts.

**[Yuri] left the group**

Claude: he’s gonna find a way back here again

Edelgard: Well, it’s useful to have someone keep track at least.

Edelgard: Anyways.

Edelgard: Prepare to face defeat. Both of you.

Claude: looking forward to the final showdown, princess, your highness ;>

Dimitri: I wish all of you luck in trying to best us :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is PROBABLY going to be the end of the paper war,, the update will come faster i promise i already have it planned out along with the next uwu hope y'all enjoyed this installment! comments and kudos appreciated <3
> 
> [my twitter!](https://twitter.com/trixstarsss)


	6. fireworks, the end, and victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The war ends, yet chaos still ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ngl i just wanted this over with but im pretty glad with how it turned out?? hope it's all to your liking!

Ingrid: Your plan worked like a charm, Felix!

His Highness: Yes, Claude wanted me to tell you that you did a good job! :)

netteflix: I know

netteflix: Where are you guys now

Ingrid: Flying around as of now, trying to find a place to land.

netteflix: is it really safe to be texting while youre flying ingrid :0

Ingrid: It’s fine, Annette :) I’m quite used to it now.

Ingrid: Sylvain has the habit of texting when I’m in the skies.

netteflix: oh cool!

His Highness: Who’s taking charge of the other pegasus, Ingrid?

Ingrid: Sylvain is surprisingly adept at it.

Mercedes: As his riding partner, I can agree with this!

Ashe: Dedue is riding with Ingrid, I assume?

Dedue: Affirmative.

Dedue: Deer and Eagles are in pursuit.

Dedue: We can’t land like this.

netteflix: On the way

His Highness: Felix, no. You’d be outnumbered and we stand to lose more than we can gain. >:0

Ingrid: His Highness is right. I don’t think it’s wise for us to call in any back-up.

netteflix: Fine

Mercedes: What should we do then?

Mercedes: seigcefxpxj

netteflix: MERCIE?!

Dedue: They’re throwing paper at us.

Dedue: Sylvain had to move fast to dodge.

Sylvain: shittt we gotta land soon i can feel the poor pegasus getting tired

Sylvain: and the paper is _r e l e n t l e s s_

Ashe: Oh no, can you retaliate?

Ingrid: No paper. :(

netteflix: oh no :,0000

Sylvain: so

Sylvain: what are we going to do

His Highness: Does anyone have any ideas?

Ingrid: I fear my pegasus won't last for much longer either. We need to be quick.

Mercedes: Oh dear.

His Highness: Felix, you thought of something last time. Do you have a plan?

netteflix: he’s thinking!!!

Dedue: Our pursuers are gaining on us.

Sylvain: hxcoajjxlfa

Dedue: And still attacking. As evidenced by that.

Ashe: Be careful, you four!

Ingrid: Trying!

netteflix: I have a plan

Sylvain: there’s our fel

netteflix: shut up

Dedue: Elaborate.

netteflix: Boar where are you

His Highness: Ashe and I are still hiding in the marketplace.

netteflix: Who else is in the marketplace

Ashe: All the Wolves and Edelgard, if I’m not mistaken.

netteflix: Good

netteflix: Now listen

x

( _Meanwhile, in a different group chat_ )

Hubert: Lady Edelgard, they’ve split up.

Hubert: What would you have us do?

Edelgard: I need more information, Hubert.

Hubert: Ingrid and Dedue have taken off in direction of the chapel. Sylvain and Mercedes in direction of your location.

Edelgard: Hm.

Edelgard: The Deer?

Hubert: They’ve chosen to regroup after seeing the Lions branch off.

Edelgard: I see.

Ferdinand: Wouldn’t it be wise to charge after Ingrid and Dedue? The eliminated can lend assistance in cornering them. As for Sylvain and Mercedes, you and the Wolves will have no problem taking them out, won’t you, Edelgard?

Dorothea: But they split up for a reason.

Dorothea: Why would they go for a strategy that puts them at a disadvantage? They could lose Dedue and/or Mercedes after all.

Hubert: Unless their plan involved sacrificing them.

Petra: I do not think Dimitri would resort to that. D:

Linhardt: who knows what he’ll resort to, isnt he cornered right now?

Linhardt: desperation gets you to do things

Edelgard: You make a valid point, Linhardt. But I agree with Petra. I don’t think Dimitri would even consider sacrificing one of his men.

Edelgard: Much less his retainer or probably the sweetest member of his house.

Ferdinand: What will you have us do then?

Edelgard: ...

Edelgard: Hubert, Bernadetta, Dorothea, to the marketplace.

Edelgard: My time is running out and I’ll need back-up for when Yuri finally decides to turn on me and for when Mercedes joins the Lions as that is what I’m assuming they’re trying to do.

Dorothea: Mhm, she’s a hard hitter.

Edelgard: With our ranks, we stand a chance at eliminating the Wolves and her. Perhaps even weeding out Dimitri and Ashe and taking them out as well.

Ferdinand: That’s a very unstable plan.

Edelgard: Yet I cannot think of anything better.

Edelgard: As Linhardt says, desperation gets you to do things.

Hubert: Understood, Lady Edelgard.

Edelgard: Ferdinand, you take the others and corner Ingrid and Dedue where they choose to land.

Edelgard: Should we succeed in the marketplace, we will come to eliminate Dedue.

Petra: And should you fail? :(

Edelgard: Then let them go.

Edelgard: I don’t quite like the idea of us just handing a formidable opponent to Claude.

Edelgard: Ferdinand, did you get all that?

Ferdinand: Yes, do not worry. We will have it covered.

Edelgard: Good.

Edelgard: Everyone move out.

x

( _Meanwhile, in a different group chat_ )

loser: Are you serious?!

fear the deer: somehow knew you’d react like that but yeah

loser: Because it’s ludicrous!

Hilda: Not really??

loser: You always side with him!

Hilda: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

loser: It’s dishonorable!

fear the deer: it’s s t r a t e g i c

fear the deer: cmon lorenz trust me on this

loser: You really want us to just stay put while they eliminate each other?

loser: And win the cowardly way?

jeralt jr: Can’t we do something?

fear the deer: if we could i would have told you guys

fear the deer: but i really think staying put’s our best bet rn

fear the deer: any other move and we could get eliminated

jeralt jr: Ugh...

picasso: He has a point...

friendship is marianne: Claude, where should we meet up?

fear the deer: dining hall is fine, im starvinggg

fear the deer: you eliminated folk can join in too :P

muscles on muscles: way to rub it in our faces :(

fear the deer: nah just kidding raphael we love you come on down

loser: This is preposterous.

Hilda: Claudeee get food for meeeee

fear the deer: of course hilda uwu

fear the deer: oh yeah marianne, ignatz, lorenz be careful on your way here

fear the deer: we may not be doing anything now but we will later

loser: Who said I was going? I refuse to eat carefree while there’s a war going on.

fear the deer: funny you should mention that

fear the deer: just earlier you said this was a waste of time 0_0

loser: ...

loser: My opinion has since changed.

fear the deer: then take this seriously by not doing anything stupid and take a breakkk

fear the deer: we cant do anything now but see how things play out ok

fear the deer: plus

fear the deer: the dining hall’s serving your favorite :D

loser: ...

loser: I will be there shortly.

strawberry SHORTcake: There better be cake when I get there, Claude.

fear the deer: ofc lysithea

x

His Highness: It’s as you said, Felix.

His Highness: The Eagles have converged here!

netteflix: Whats happening

Ashe: It seems that they’re arguing with the Wolves.

Ashe: Edelgard calling in back-up was probably something Yuri didn’t expect?

Ashe: Then again...

netteflix: Sylvain

Sylvain: just above them like you said

Sylvain: ohhh they noticed

Sylvain: i waved :D

Sylvain: aw theyre no fun only dorothea wa

Ingrid: Sylvain?

Mercedes: Apologies, Hubert and Constance used their magic to hurl paper at us. D:

Mercedes: We had to dodge quickly.

netteflix: Tell the idiot to put his phone away and fly high enough so you arent at risk

Mercedes: Will do!

netteflix: Ingrid

Ingrid: Dedue and I have circled around and are nearly at the chapel.

Ingrid: Eliminated Black Eagles are hot on our heels!

Dedue: Nothing we didn’t expect.

netteflix: Good

netteflix: annette here! felix and i are nearly there!

netteflix: your highness, ashe, you ready? >:3

Ashe: Ready as we can be, let’s hope this works.

His Highness: All we can do is our best!

His Highness: Though the Deer not being present does have me worried.

His Highness: Who’s to say they won’t suddenly spring up here and cause havoc?

Dedue: Your highness, that’s what I’m here for.

Dedue: Please proceed. As Felix stated, I will be assurance and the last line of defense.

His Highness: If you say so...

His Highness: Okay!

netteflix: bout to get there

netteflix: are the paper balls ready?

Ashe: All prepped!

Ashe: Please remember we only have four though...

Ingrid: I’d say that’s enough. Mercedes?

Mercedes: Four is the perfect number actually! I think that’s the most I can carry with my magic, considering their size.

Ashe: That’s good to hear!

Ingrid: Felix, the signal.

netteflix: Is everyone ready

His Highness: Yes

Ashe: Yes.

Sylvain: yup

Mercedes: Yes!

netteflix: Then let’s go

x

Claude: ohh who’s responsible for the fireworks??

Claude: ???

Claude: hellooooooooo

Claude: princess????

Claude: your highness?????

Claude: ...

Claude: yuri????

Claude: ???

Claude: aww im missing out :((((

Claude: you guys are mean

x

fear the deer: LORENZ CHILL YOU RUN SO FAST

strawberry SHORTcake: Is it really smart to run _towards_ the big commotion instead of _away_ from it?

fear the deer: ah lysithea

fear the deer: too young to understand teenage idiocy

loser: FASTER, YOU FOOLS!

x

Caspar: WHAT WAS THAT ARE YOU GUYS OK

Ferdinand: Edelgard????

Ferdinand: Hubert??

Petra: Dorothea?? Bernadetta??

Petra: :(((((((

Linhardt: i wonder what it is this time

x

Ingrid: The Eagles have fled.

Ingrid: Is everything alright?

Dedue: Did the plan work?

Ingrid: Your highness?

Ingrid: Sylvain? Felix?

Dedue: Ashe, Annette, Mercedes, please respond.

Ingrid: ...

Dedue: Ingrid and I are on our way.

x

( _A little later, in a different group chat_ )

Seteth: Byleth, Manuela, Hanneman.

Manuela Casagranda: Yes, Seteth?

Byleth Eisner: ?

Hanneman von Essar: Seteth?

Seteth: Please collect all your students in the marketplace.

Byleth Eisner: ??

Seteth: And have them clean up the mess they made.

Manuela Casagranda: Pardon?

Seteth: If you looked at the marketplace right now...

Seteth: You would see half the Black Eagles house, all the Ashen Wolves, and nearly all the Blue Lions covered in paint. As well as the majority of the marketplace.

Manuela Casagranda: Oh.

Manuela Casagranda: Oh, dear.

Byleth Eisner: ...

Hanneman von Essar: Pardon me, Seteth, but why are my students in trouble as well?

Seteth: I have reports stating that directly after the “explosions” went off, they participated in what can only be dubbed as a “paper war.”

Seteth: Which then involved into a heated debate about who “won.”

Seteth: Several witnesses reportedly felt “a strong aura of bloodlust” from the students. Nearly all of them had their weapons and magic at ready.

Seteth: And paper, strangely enough.

Byleth Eisner: ...

Seteth: The debate ended when Lady Rhea herself entered the marketplace.

Hanneman von Essar: Oh...

Manuela Casagranda: I need a drink.

Seteth: Refrain from that please.

Seteth: Lady Rhea is reprimanding all of them right now. Please proceed to the marketplace.

Seteth: With cleaning supplies.

x

( _Much later, in a different group chat_ )

Claude: soooooo

Edelgard: Really?

Edelgard: In detention?

Claude: i mean it would be a waste NOT to ask

Dimitri: Seteth is _right there_ , Claude.

Claude: ok but

Claude: who won

Claude: ????????

Claude: really???

Claude: NO ONE is going to answer me??

Claude: :///////////

Dimitri: I mean...

Dimitri: Before the marketplace confrontation, the Blue Lions had the most members left still in the game.

Edelgard: Need I remind you it was your paint bombs that caused the war to end prematurely?

Dimitri: And need I remind you it was our paper that started it as well?

Yuri: Your point?

Dimitri: ...

Dimitri: ...Remember I did not want to take part of any of this in the first place.

Yuri: Thought so.

Claude: oohh someone sounds pissy their house got taken out in one hit

Yuri: We would have won if they hadn’t played such a stupid trick.

Claude: sureeeee

Yuri: We had a solid plan, believe it or not.

Yuri: Unlike some people, we didn’t waste time canoodling anywhere.

Claude: hey it was a much needed break ok??

Claude: rude

**[Yuri] left the group**

Claude: and there he goes again

Claude: princess, your highness, what do you think

Claude: dimitriii

Claude: edelgarddd

Claude: :/

Edelgard: ...

Edelgard: As much as it pains me to say this, I believe it is you who has won, Claude.

Dimitri: ...I reached the same conclusion.

Claude: oh??????

Claude: little ol us? how so? 0w0

Edelgard: After the paint bombs, you had the most members still standing.

Edelgard: You, Lorenz, Ignatz, and Marianne.

Edelgard: My house didn’t fare so well.

Dimitri: And only Dedue was left on our side...

Dimitri: ...

Dimitri: You knew we would reach this conclusion, didn’t you?

Claude: 0w0

Claude: maybe?

Claude: heh

Claude: ahh

Claude: victory feels good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in case it wasnt clear, the blue lions' plan was "levitate the specially made paint balls with dima and ashe and have them explode over all our enemies mwahaha" it was not a well thought out plan.
> 
> sorry if it's a lil underwhelming,, but it is what it is ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ hope you enjoyed that arc overall! (and the faculty gc where seteth is the mom)
> 
> [my twitter!](https://twitter.com/trixstarsss)


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